Reorganizing my Thoughts on Literature and Reading

Every once in a while I get this feeling that reading and writing are pointless activities. I find it a little disturbing (and I say "a little" because I usually shake the feeling quite fast) that while making a living at both reading and writing, I would, from time to time, feel this way. It seems contradictory to me that I would get this feeling of uselessness while pursuing the means of intellectual and spiritual fulfillment. But it is just this way and I have to (as I keep repeating myself, from time to time) shake off the depressing thought and forge on to the next book, to the next notebook, to the next semester. Of all the things to start feeling useless about, really, it could not be about idleness or about sleeping too much or just being plain lazy. How come we never (or almost never) feel guilty or useless regarding those? I know I have written before about this overwhelming feeling of uselessness. I remember sitting at a cafe several years ago and pausing my writing for a few minutes when this feeling of uselessness overcame me like a dark shadow. There are, I believe, several entries on this blog regarding this day. It was, I suppose, a natural progression. One finds a purpose in life, a meaningful way of conveying to others that life does indeed have value and meaning, and by mere virtue of this the doubt has to be born and find its way into our minds to torture us. I hate to say it but it must be a natural progression, a certainty of the paradox of life (or at least the "meaningful" life. I wonder if people like Catholic priests or nuns feel this way from time to time; whether their faith fails them, even a little, in moments of secret doubt. I know things are getting very crazy right now in the general sense. Politics seems to invade everything. It is, I suppose, a much bigger issue that the seemingly small concerns of an individual. There is a maelstrom of information and ideas floating around that give little hope to people trying to find a way, a meaningful way. All we can do is continue pushing forward, striving... pause for a moment, take a break, but continue moving forward.