Moleskine #001 - Being Home or Lost in Place and Listening to People at a Cafe

 These are the first words you have written here, lost in this mess, this cultural wilderness.  You’ve not come here to find yourself or to put pieces together.  You’ve come here only to observe and to listen closely to all that is around you.  This is the place where people want to continue putting you in the position of being home, and that’s not even faintly true.  Imagine how little of what you consider home really is (in some way, shape or form) any form of spiritual or physical connection for you.  This is not home, not at all.  This place is not home any more than that other place (the place you now call home) is home.  This is not an artificially flavored polemic, or synthetic soul searching—it is just the way it is.  No excuses and no fake justifications.  This is the reality that you embody at this moment.  Now that you are reading Eco on the semantics of “being” you have a better understanding of this situation and the feeling that overcome you today and in the next few days.  You suspect that things will be better when you leave here, but it is not to be.  When you return, you will do some work, but also you will think about all of this and then try to theorize or formulate a language real enough to convey all of this.  

Yesterday, you overheard a couple in crisis.  It was about breaking up, or something of that sort, but you weren’t completely sure.  There was another man involved, a so-called friend, against whom the young man last night had had an issue with.  Things you overheard—that, according to young man #1, the other man only wanted to befriend her to take advantage of her.  Now, it does sound terribly jealous and extremely machista; however, one simple look at the girl and one would have to give some validity to what the young man #1 was saying.  She was a beautiful and tall, very slender and a body that most men in this place will kill their own flesh and blood over.  She was voluptuous and curious, with lips that simply begged to be kissed.  Her face was exquisite, although she wasn’t made up.  This was more an outing; they were determining the fate of their affair.