Random Notebook #12 -- Finding New Paths

  It may seem ridiculous for me to change color when what I have is only 25 more pages to go in this notebook, but if the truth be told, I have quite a few of the Y&C Gel Stylists and I need to use some of that in what is left here as space.  This may be a mundane change, but my heart tells me that a little variation of color might do me good.  To keep using these pens, and having to dip the fill in hot water to soften the gel ink is not a problem to me—it actually allows me a few minutes to compose my mind while I drink my coffee if there’s coffee to be had.  After finishing this notebook, I really have to hit the Visconti with all I’ve got because time is of the essence.  Who knows what might happen in all of this mess, and one has to live like today might be the last day.  As unfortunate as it might appear, life has to be lived in that way because in the most fundamental view of things, death lurks in the unknown.  Go to bed tonight and make plans for tomorrow, next week, next month, or even five years down the road and you will play the fool’s hand.  It is true—it is as Hamlet says, “the undiscover’d country from whose boundaries no traveler returns,” then the difference between that type of death and the other is that the death under faith means eternal life. 

There’s no catch, not one at all—cross the street and get hit by a bus, have a terminal heart attack, die in a commercial airline crash, or even fall into a sea of molten lava and depending on which side of the equation you are, the event might or might not be a surprise to you.  But I am rambling.  I began to think that way after April of last year, and even though I believed I had lost faith, I was able to regain it a few weeks before the world collapsed around me.  If at any time I doubted, it was simply because of the environment I was living in day in and day out.  Although that is an easy excuse, faith is a thing within one’s self and if one has confidence on one’s own inner strength, faith will not waver even if one lives among the biggest idiots in the universe.  My problem, as I have had time to reflect, was that I took everything literally, down to the last word.  I had what I began to define as supreme confidence in the people in charge, perhaps a remnant of my time in the military.