Moleskine #004 -- Fighting Insecurity and Plot Crafting for Fun

 But nothing is really moving in any direction, and the extreme possibility of recognizing that ultimate emotion that was to bring it all very much together became some sort of ridiculous pursuit.  But no, you hold on, you continue to hunt because to you it all makes sense.  You will find the strength to pull yourself together, and know for the first time that things were never all of that flowery stuff you highly spoke about so many times.  Hood is asking you to push the limits of what you know as emotions, but you know deep inside that it is only desperation that you know best.  Your emotions all stem from that—from a severe case of knowing or rather not knowing what exactly is hitting you until it is right in front of your face.  Too many things happen in an inordinate amount of time and there’s little or no way for you to access where everything is coming from.  And this is precisely what you should transfer into J.’s character.  All that confusion that leads to the irrational action—that is what you should convey to J. and, in the process, make him as real as any other character ever conceived.  He is real and with your desperation in trying to make sense of your emotions he will become real to the reader.  The trick that you must learn is to not make things autobiographical.  Hood explains this well and you should pay careful attention to all of this.  ×

            You must keep trying to remind yourself to stay low and not stick out.  This is the best way to see yourself from a perspective that will no doubt help your writing.  Surrender yourself once more to the blessing; this time, however, become even more deep into what you are trying to achieve with J.  He is, after all, betrayed by others, taken advantage of, and used as a scapegoat to carry the blame for everything.  So, give him all of those same attributes that coincide with all the things you have gone through.  Think about how D. wants to make J. believe it is all his fault and that regardless of whether or not he was making a move on his woman, he should have never broken that line.  What line precisely J. didn’t know, but the entire thing began to stink to high heaven and J. knew that when the casualty list began to elongate, his name would find a way to the stacked bodies.  He was sure of this as he was sure of S.’s infidelity before she’d come out clean and told him.  Truly a shame, he thought, and went to his office to see if he could concentrate on some work.  Fifteen minutes later, he realized he couldn’t do any work.